More Than Just Frienship
by un-suspecting
Summary: Jude's always been a bit of a hopeless romantic, and Connor, well, not so much. They have this "friends with benefits" routine going on, but is it really just friendship, or more? *Currently on hiatus because I'm super busy with school*
1. My Knight In Shining Armor

**A/N: Second Jonnor fic, yayyy :3**

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Okay, lets get one thing straight: I, Jude Jacob, was undeniably, a loser. It wasn't like I didn't try, I did, I really did. But being cool just wasn't something that had ever worked well for me. However, being completely lame was what I did best; I rocked it with a fierce passion. And everybody knew it. I was the clumsy kid that tripped over my own feet in the hallway at school and dropped all my books. I was the shy kid that stuttered and fumbled over every word I said while giving oral reports in class. I was the kid that nobody bothered to talk to because most of the time I got so nervous around people that I talked _way_ too much.

I liked to think that it wasn't my fault, but come on, it totally was. There was no one to blame except my own sorry ass. I was a sixteen year old virgin who's best friend was my _sister_. Just how pathetic was that? I normally didn't complain, I mean I did have it better than a lot of other people, but _god damn_ what did I have to do to get an actual life? Maybe some friends? A real family?

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade Callie for the world, but sometimes I just wished my parents were still here. If they were, maybe things wouldn't be so bad. Maybe then I wouldn't be so unbearably..._lonely._

I knew that I always had Callie to talk to, but more often than not, she could be a little...overprotective. If I so much as said a kid at school tripped me, she would be up at the high school in a heartbeat. It's not like I could _really _open up to her. She'd probably get all worried. I didn't like to worry her. She had enough of her own problems already; like trying to make enough money to feed the both of us and pay our apartment's rent. I'd just gotten a job at the local grocery store, so I was hoping it would take some pressure off of Callie, but she insisted that the money was my own and she would manage our rent and food. I'd complained at first, told her she shouldn't have to work two jobs just so I wouldn't starve. She'd told me it was fine, that she was fine. But she wasn't. She came home every night at nearly two in the morning and had to get up at seven to take me to school because we only had one car and we lived too close to my school for me to ride the bus.

I could tell she was tired. Really tired. And I felt like such an ass for keeping the money I was making to myself, but what was I supposed to do? She refused to accept it. Said that I would need it for college. _College_. I didn't even _know _if I was going to college. How could I leave her here like that? Go off to college, be successful, while she was working half-assed jobs because she didn't even have a high school diploma? I wasn't sure if I could ever leave her. Yes, she could really piss me off sometimes; always asking if I'd made any friends or if I was _okay_, and who the fuck cared if I was _okay _because my petty problems were nothing compared to all she's ever done and still doing for me. But she was my sister and I loved her like crazy.

* * *

There was something remarkably special about Connor Stevens. He was a boy full of wonder in the eyes of, well, me. You see, I met him before first period on a rainy Tuesday. I was already in a bad mood because I'd nearly been in a fight with a frigging _homeless _guy on my way back from work. I was tired and I still had homework and it was getting dark and this guy, with long straggly brown hair walked up to me.

"Got any spare change?" He asked me gruffly, his voice hoarse from all the smoking he probably did.

I had tried to just walk away, I didn't want to waste any time, my homework wouldn't get done by itself, and lord knows I wasn't the best at school. But he'd grabbed me roughly by the collar of my shirt and repeated, in the same ill-natured tone, "Got any spare change?" My eyes widened as he kept me in his surprisingly strong grasp. I was rather stunned. I tried to speak, say something like "No, sorry." or even "Get your dirty hands off me." But I just stood there. Frozen in fear like the wimp I effortlessly was.

His grip on me tightened when I didn't answer and he leaned so close to me, I could smell his sour breath and stench of a man who hadn't showered in who knows how long. "Eh?" He grunted.

Again, I didn't move. _Fucking idiot, _I repeated over and over to myself in my head. Why wouldn't I _do _anything?

"Do you hear me, boy?" He started to shake me, and my body moved back and forth in a harsh manor.

And then I said it. Opened my idiot mouth and said, "Get the fuck away from me, you dirty pig."

His eyes hardened and he let out something along the lines of a hiss. He pushed me, hard, and I fell to ground. He gave me a good kick to the stomach, and stalked off. Maybe I deserved it, because who the hell was I to say that to him? Even if he _was_ kind of a dirty pig? I'd laid there for a minute or two, before I finally got up and staggered home. I put ice on the bruise, and it didn't look _too _bad.

So naturally I was pissy, and it was very evident. And then, of course, Jeremy comes around the corner. He smirks when he sees and me and the only thing that resisters in my brain is; _oh shit. _

"Hey, Jude." He snarls nastily.

I shut my locker and try to walk away, fast, but I'm not fast enough. He grabs my arm and twists me around. "Aren't you going to say hi?" He asks sharply, his nails digging into my arm.

"H-hi." I squeak out.

"It's been awhile, huh?"

Which was true. The last time he'd beaten me up was about a week ago. I'd been avoiding him, and it seemed as if my luck of not running into him had fallen short.

"Uh..." Is the only thing I mutter.

He raises his other hand to punch me, and I close my eyes, waiting for the blow that doesn't come. When I open my eyes, Jeremy is on the floor. On top of him, is someone else. Something like a knight in shining armor, he holds both of my bully's clenched fists with what seems like zero to no effort.

"Who the hell are you?" He spits out.

But the boy doesn't answer. Instead, he says, "Who the hell are you to even lay a _finger _on that kid?"

By now there's a small crowd surrounding us. But nobody makes a move to break up the fight. Probably too in shock. _No one _messes with Jeremy.

Then he pins Jeremy's hands to the floor and presses his knee into Jeremy's gut. Jeremy howls in pain.

"Now, you gonna stay away from that kid, alright?" He says.

Jeremy just nods, and the boy gets up. He turns around and looks at me. He's unmistakingly..._gorgeous_. Dark blonde hair that's a cross between a surfer's style and a punk rocker. An adult would probably say he needs a haircut, but I would say he _definitely _worked it. He had light hazel eyes framed by thick lashes, and a slight tan even thought it was November and it was freezing outside. His muscles were obvious under his thin t-shirt. Okay maybe _hot _was a better word to describe how he looked.

Either way, I stood there with my mouth agape, staring at this _god_ and this _god_ was _smiling _at me.

"You okay?" He asks, and Jeremy is still whimpering. By now, one of his buddies had found him and was helping him up. How _hard _had he kicked him?

"F-fine..." My voice comes out in a quiet whisper. "What you just did was...amazing!"

He chuckles. "Anytime he gives you a hard time, just come to me, you hear?"

"O-okay..." I'm pretty sure I'm smiling like a complete idiot.

Jeremy and his friend shoot me daggers as they walk down the hall, away from us.

"I'm Connor, by the way." He sticks out his hand for me to shake.

I do. It's larger than my hand and it feels..._warm._ I hold his hand for a little longer than necessary.

"Jude." I say.

"It was nice meeting you, Jude. See you around some time?"

"Y-yeah..."

He shoots me another winning smile and jogs away from me.

_Connor_. _My knight in shining armor. _

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**A/N: Ayee there Jonnor fans, first chapter DONE. I'll still be writing Scared, along with this story. Hope you enjoyed. Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	2. Hey, Jude

**A/N: Haiii so this is Chapter 2 and yeah you should go read :3**

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Callie was pissed. I got out of the shower on Thursday morning and I was walking to my bedroom with a towel wrapped securely around my waist. She stood by the door, waiting for me to finish so she could take her shower. Her eyes widened when she saw the big purplish bruise on my stomach.

"Jude." She gasped. "Did one of the boys at school do that to you?!"

Here's the thing about Callie. She was nice and hardworking, but she was also nosy as hell. I guess some may not consider that a bad thing, but I'm not one of those people. I liked to keep what happened in my so called private life, private. I hadn't told her about the homeless man. Why? It would only freak her out and worry about me even more than normal.

"Don't worry about it, Callie."

My plan to try to brush it off as just another causality in my close to fabulous life failed miserably. When I started to walk to my bedroom, she grabbed my shoulder and I reluctantly turned back around to face my not so enthusiastic sister.

"These boys will only keep doing this and worse if you don't put a stop to it, Jude."

See what I mean? This was the exact reason I told her absolutely _nothing _that went on in my life. She always acted like she knew everything about everything. She thought she was doing what was best for me, but really she was only making it worse. "Callie, some kids at school called me mean names." I used to tell her. She went to my school, and though I'm not sure what she did, but the kids at school started calling me worse name, mentioning how much of a pussy I was for running home crying to Callie. She asked me if the kids were still calling me names and I lied and said no. Then when they started giving me a punch or two, I started to talk to Callie about it again. But the situation worked itself out the same way as before. When they got in trouble, so did I, in a way. They started giving me more than just a punch or two.

So I snap at her, "It wasn't some kid from school."

Now if I was smart, I would've said yes, it was someone from school, and yes, I'd talk to my guidance counselor again. Sure I'd be lying, but at least she'd drop the issue like she usually did. This had happened enough times for it to become routine. But I _hated_ it. I hated the way Callie treated me like such a baby. Of course now I was going to have to explain what _really _happened to my stomach.

"Then what the hell happened?" She demanded.

I contemplated on lying. What would sound believable and as close to innocent as possible? Somehow I didn't think she would buy it if I told her I fell down the stairs at school. And that was about the only lie I could think of that wouldn't get me in some kind scolding.

"Hmmm?" She pressed.

I bumped into a table, maybe? Yeah a table that punched me in the stomach. She would totally believe that.

I sighed and told her, honestly, what happened, "Some homeless guy kicked me, okay?"

"_Kicked _you? Jude what did you _do_?" She exclaimed.

I tried to decipher whether her voice sounded like she was worried about me or like she was going to ground my ass for whatever I did to "some poor homeless man".

"That was the problem. I didn't _do _anything. He wanted some spare change and I didn't _do _anything." I huffed.

"Jude, you're supposed to, I don't know, say _no_." She said and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I tried! But I was just too much in shock to do anything!"

"See, this is where you gotta _think, _Jude. I can't always handle all your problems for you."

I almost started bursting out laughing. Callie had _never _handled any of my problems before. She may have _thought _she had, but she didn't. And I want to tell her, tell her that I know she means well but that she's never been helping like she thinks she is. But I don't.

"I know, Callie. I'll try, I swear."

She smiles and ruffles my hair. "Thanks, baby."

What's the point? It would only disappoint her. Only make things wore.

* * *

So after school on Thursday I'm working. Who knew ringing up pointless junk after pointless junk could be so fun? Not! I really wished I'd gotten that job at the bookstore. Sure it would've been a longer walk, but at least I actually liked reading. And I'd get a discount on books. But looks like bagging groceries was my inevitable dream job of high school. Oh joy.

I sigh and put my head down on the cash register. No one had come to my aisle in the last ten minutes and I was beyond bored. In fact, I'd been bored all day. Classes had droned on, learning about pointless shit I'd be damned if I could remember when I was out of school. For the last two days, I hadn't even seen Jeremy. Of course I was glad, but I'd gotten kind of used to the daily taunting's. It was sad to say but the highlight of my day was either being humiliated in some way by Jeremy or getting hit by him.

What a sad, sad life it is.

"Hey, can you ring me up?"

I jump upright. Something registers in the back of my mind. Something about that voice.

_I'm Connor, by the way._

I turn around sharply to meet the boy with the light hazel eyes. Connor smiles at me and sets down a bottle of Mountain Dew and a pack of Strident gum.

"Hey, Jude."

I wrap a hand around the slightly moist bottle and say, "You know there's song called 'Hey, Jude'. It's by this really old band, The Beatles. My mom..." I pause for a second, thinking about my mom has always made me a little emotional, and then continue, "used to listen to them all the time."

"I know." He laughs. "Hasn't everyone heard of The Beatles?"

I blush slightly and offer a small chuckle. "Well I guess not everyone. I mean more people listen to the stupid crap that's playing now instead of what was played in, what, the 60's?"

He nods his head as I scan both the Mountain Dew and gum.

"I'm uh...surprised you recognized me." I say casually and bag the two items.

"Hey it's not everyday I knee an idiot in the gut."

I wait for the receipt to come out. "You know, I never really got a chance to thank you. So...thanks..."

"No problem." He hands me a few crumpled bills in exchange for the receipt.

"I mean you really didn't have to do that." I hand him the bag.

He furrows his eyebrows and gives me a hard stare, like he can't believe I would say something like that.

"Yes, I did."

His fingers graze mine as he takes the bag from me. I gulp and nearly lose my footing.

"Someone like you shouldn't have to deal with that."

"Someone like a total loser? Thanks for the sympathy." I snort.

"_No_. Someone like a decent human being." He tells me seriously.

I meet his gaze and those eyes, those hazel eyes, are what really suck me in. I stare at him for a moment too long, and he notices, because he smirks slightly, like he knows he has me right where he wants me.

"So." He says breezily. "You're in my Chemistry class, right? Well, I'm not doing too well and finals are coming up, and I was just wondering if you wanted to get together sometime to like, study or something?"

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. _He isn't asking me out, _I tell myself. _He just wants me to help him study. _

I shrug casually. "Sure. I don't work on Mondays or Wednesdays so if you want, you can come over to my place."

"Okay." He says. "How about next week? Monday?"

"Sounds great." I nod.

I tell him the address and he says he'll be there. He gives me a quick goodbye and is out the door.

_Did I just get my first friend?_

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**A/N: Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	3. Letting My Guard Down

**A/N: Hey, sorry I've been busy. I know I should probably be updating Scared right now instead, but ayyeee, shoot me, idgaf. Happy reading for all you wonderful Jonnor shippers, you guys rock!**

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I didn't tell Callie about Connor. I wasn't really sure if the word 'friend' was the right word to use for him. Take into consideration the fact that we had only met about a week ago, and had only had maybe three actual conversations. Excluding, of course, the times I feigned conversations with him in my head. Seriously, don't judge me here. I was much cooler in my head and Connor's and I's talks consisted of something along the lines of slightly flirtatious and playful banter. In my head, I was friends with Connor. In reality, well, he was a mere acquaintance.

And this was why I didn't tell her. He was an acquaintance. Not my _friend_. And this, ultimately, would disappoint her. Because I was _still _the friendless loser I had so graciously always been. I wanted to tell her that I that wanted a friend too, but that just sounded so absolutely pathetic that I just couldn't muster up the courage to say it. So I always just said that I preferred being by myself. Which was probably the complete opposite of the truth. But I'd be damned if I was actually going to admit that to anyone, _especially _Callie.

You see, if I'd told anyone this, they wouldn't care one bit. But Callie, she would care too much. Find some way to blame it on herself. Because she was _always _doing that. And I _hated _it. She refused to believe anything could be my fault. _Poor Jude's always so quiet and isolated. I should've pushed him to do more things when he was younger like baseball or soccer._ She didn't understand that having no friends was entirely _my fault_. It was my fault I was the biggest loser in the world.

I was constantly wishing that she would stop blaming herself for everything that I was doing wrong, but it seemed the chance of that happening seemed highly unlikely, no matter how many times I told her she shouldn't be blaming herself for my mistakes. I felt guilty somehow, like it was my fault that she blamed herself, even though there was _nothing _I could really do. I couldn't help but feel that I was a really shitty excuse for a brother.

* * *

I try to busy myself with cleaning the apartment until Connor gets here, but the problem is that the apartment is already clean. Everything is in place, no trash anywhere. Since when was our place _ever _clean? So coincidently, it was clean today. More often than not, there would be empty pizza boxes or Chinese take out containers littering the counter in the kitchen and the coffee table in the living room, but now, obviously, there weren't any in sight. Even the trashy magazines Callie liked to read were all stacked up neatly on the end table by the big chair at the window.

He had a hard time believing someone like Callie would read something as stupid as tabloid magazines spilling the newest secrets about celebrities. For reasons unknown to him, his sister had always been a bit of a pop culture freak. It didn't really fit her style, if Callie even _had _a style, that is. But he tried not to judge her too much, after all he had plenty of things she could judge him for.

So I sit down in the big mahogany chair and pick up an _Us Weekly _magazine. I didn't really read magazines at all, so the glossy feel of the pages is unfamiliar and foreign to me as I flip through it. And as I read through it, I understand why I don't read magazines. There is absolutely no appeal to them whatsoever. It's all basically about the personal lives of celebrities, and to be perfectly honest, I didn't give a flying fuck about anything that went on in their seemingly perfect lives. I tossed the magazine back on the stack of the others and leaned back in the chair, letting out an all too flattering sigh of a mixture between boredom and exhaustion. Seriously, where the hell _was _he?

He was coming, wasn't he? That's what he _said. _He was supposed to be here by now. I tried not to get too disappointed, because _he _was the one that wanted the tutoring. For a reason that I didn't even _understand_, because I didn't think I was any better at Chem than he was. Was him asking me to tutor him just some stupid _joke? What a fucking-_

But my thoughts are stopped abruptly when I hear a soft knocking on the door. I get up and open the door. When I do, I instantly feel bad for assuming he was just playing with me. Because there, facing me, with that little half smile-half smirk, is Connor Stevens. Those hazel eyes have a certain shine to them, almost like they brightened slightly when I opened the door. _Almost like he was happy to see me_. But that silly thought soon leaves my head as he hefts up his backpack and says, "You ready for some Chem?"

All I do is nod and step aside so he can come in.

"And uh, sorry for being late." He tells me. "I got kinda..._lost_. I wasn't sure if this was the place."

I mentally slap me. I shouldn't have asked him to come over. I should've told him to meet me at the library or Starbucks. Not _here. In the bad part of town. Where all the drug dealers live and people even worse. _God knows what he thought of me _now_.

"Oh..." I cough awkwardly. "Yeah, it's the place."

He glances around, and I swear his eyes widen a little, maybe in surprise. Because our apartment definitely looks different than what you'd think it would from the outside of the complex. At least maybe he wouldn't think I was like the other people who lived here. I wasn't..._bad_.

"I've been around here a few times..." He stops looking around and trains his gaze on me.

And it's like I know what he's going to say. Something about bad experiences and how his parents didn't like the area and he probably _wasn't even supposed to be here right now_. But then his eyes soften a little, and his face looks...a little concerned. Maybe he really doesn't think so poorly of me.

"I had no idea you lived here."

"Yeah." I shrug. "It's all my sister can afford. I know it's not the best part of town, but I guess I manage."

"Your sister?" He questions, and puts his backpack down by the couch.

I nod. "I live with my older sister. She's 19."

He sits down tentatively on the couch, but then relaxes, leaning back. "What about your parents?" He sounds almost confused.

I wince, my parents have always been a sore spot for me, and he notices, because he looks guilty for asking, and quickly says, "You don't have to tell me, though, not if you don't want to."

The way he really picks up on my emotions, amazes me. Makes me think that maybe he actually cares. Because after all, he's asking me more personal things, right? That's more than just being polite, I think.

"It's okay." I say softly. "My mom...she died, when I was real little..."

"I'm sorry." He says automatically.

"Yeah, and my dad..."

I can't say it. He knows I live in the shittiest part of town in the shittiest apartment complex. What will he think of me when I tell him about my dad?

He nods like he's telling me to go on, and I sit down next to him. I lean back and let the soft material of the furniture offer me the slightest bit of calmness. Maybe Connor is someone I can confide in. Maybe Connor can be my first friend. The ache deep within me, the overwhelming sense of loneliness that I have bored over many years, that I had tried so hard to suppress, comes shooting up like vomit. And I open my mouth and let it spill out.

"He's in jail. See, my mom died in a car accident. And my _dad _was driving. He got banged up a little, but he was _fine_. He got put in jail for frigging _manslaughter._" I let out a bitter laugh. "It's not like he _meant_ to. Sure, he wasn't the best dad. He wasn't too involved with Callie and I, that's my sister, but it wasn't like he abused us or anything. He went to work all day and when he came home, he mostly just made small talk with us. He wasn't a _bad _father but he could have made a better effort than he did at taking care of us." I suck in a quick breath and pause to look at Connor.

And he's got this _look _on his face. All wounded and heartbroken, eyes wide, and he looks exactly like a kicked puppy. He doesn't _say _anything, just _looks _at me with the saddest face I've ever seen. And so I keep on talking.

"Basically after that Callie and I got thrown into the foster care system. And let me tell you, it wasn't the best time of my life. We were shuffled to house after house, spending maybe a year in each. Most of them weren't good places. So finally, when Callie turned 18, she dropped out of high school, got legal custody of me, and then started working. She'd already been working a part-time job at this burger joint after school, and she quit that. She couldn't find a full-time job, because no one wanted to hire an 18 year old with no high school diploma who's only job experience was at a _burger joint, _so she got this job as a cleaning lady. She's been working different half-assed jobs for over a _year _just so I can have a decent living outside of foster care. The people we lived with were willing to let Callie stay with me, because legally they could get rid of her, but they had to keep me, up until I graduated high school. But Callie's always been this big high and noble person, always putting everyone else's needs ahead of hers. And god, this place might be a dump but it's a hell of a lot better than where we were before."

Suddenly, I feel like crying. Crying because Callie was doing so much for me and I'd done _shit_ and I felt so horrible. But I didn't cry, just sniffed and looked up at Connor. Looked at that stupid sad face, making me want to cry even more. Because _he _looked like he might start bawling right there.

"Jude..." He says. That's _all _he says. I had just opened up to him, let so much out that I was standing there vulnerable, stripped raw. And all he said was my _name_. And I'm mad, I'm mad because I want some kind of sympathy, because that's always what people want when they tell a sad story, right?

He just sits there, his mouth slightly agape, and stares at me. Sure with this face full of sadness, and okay maybe he _looked _sympathetic, but he wasn't _doing _anything. Looks were different than words or actions. All I wanted was a simple apology of some form, like how I didn't deserve all of this or how maybe things will be better someday. Or even just a goddamn hug. _Something._

And the way he just sits there really annoys me, so I just say, "Anyway, we better start studying."

* * *

**A/N: I didn't update yesterday so this chapter is longer than the other two. Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	4. You're Pretty Cool

**A/N: Haii, so here's Chapter 4. I really enjoy writing this, and I hope you really enjoying reading it too! **

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Mondays became Connor's and I's tutoring days. Every week, he came over to my house and we studied. It was almost like we took turns tutoring each other, because I wasn't much better at Chemistry than he was. At least it helped me too. I went from a C to a B quite quickly. Callie was impressed. Well, at first she wasn't. She thought I'd been cheating off some other kid, but once I'd told her I was studying a lot more, she believed me, or at least _said_ she did. What I _didn't_ tell her was that I was studying with someone. I didn't want her to get too excited. Connor was just someone I studied Chem with.

But as the weeks went by, I was beginning to doubt that more and more. Connor came to the store I worked at almost _every day _I worked to buy little things like a soda, or a candy bar, or a pack of gum. And he _always _came to my cash register. He lingered there even after his stuff was paid for, making small talk. And it was really generic stuff; like how Jeremy was such an ass, or how his Math teacher was a bitch and gave him mounts of homework every night. Sometimes he talked to me in the hall at school in between classes. And a few times we walked together to Chemistry class.

He never mentioned what we talked about on our first tutoring session, and for that, I was highly grateful. It wasn't awkward because Connor didn't make it awkward, because Connor was just Connor and he was the type of person that could let me confide in him and then wouldn't ever speak of it again, not if I didn't want him to. It was nice to have someone like him in my life, not even just as a _friend _but even as an _acquaintance, _because he was exactly the type of person I needed in my life.

And I hadn't thought I needed anyone except for Callie, but I was learning I was wrong. I had always needed a Connor Stevens and now I had him and I was amazed at how I wasn't entirely lonely anymore. And the feeling that came along with that realization was...calmness, relaxation, _happiness _even. Connor made me feel so much more alive than I had ever felt before and it marvled me how someone I had known for such a short period of time could make me feel that way. But it wasn't like I was complaining, not in the slightest.

I was soon learning more and more things about Connor. He liked to tell me little things about him at random. I found out that that first day we met, it had been his first day at Anchor Beach. He had just moved here from Arizona. Really, that was the only important thing he told me. Everything else he told me were things like how he liked to listen to The Beatles (and this reminded me of the first time he came to the store, and how I had made The Beatles reference, and I thought that maybe he listened to them because I had said something about them, but that just seemed stupid), or how his favorite drink was Vanilla Coke, or how he really liked the color blue. I told him I liked the color blue too.

Sometimes when we were studying he would announce that he was bored and needed a break. Mostly he would start talking randomly again, and that was something that I loved about him, how he could just talk and talk, and what he was talking about could be boring, but when _he _said it, it wasn't boring at all. He just made it impossible to be boring. And other times he would lay down on the couch, which we both always sat on, and he'd lay his head down on my lap, and he would just be _quiet. _And for Connor, this was unusual, because, well, the boy was _never _quiet. But I never questioned it, because he never questioned me about anything, and I would just sit there absentmindedly running my fingers through his soft hair. And it _did _kind of make me feel calmer. And I was pretty sure it did the same for him because half the time he almost fell asleep in my lap.

* * *

It was exactly one month after we met. Connor invited me to go with him to the mall. It was a Thursday afternoon at the store and as I rang up a Kit-Kat and a magazine, and I had to smirk slightly, because it was _US Weekly. _And then he started talking about how all of his family got together for Christmas and how he needed to go and buy something nice. And then he just _asked_ me. "You wanna come with me?"

And I had just kind of stood there for a second, because this was the first time he had asked me to actually _hang _out. It wasn't him coming over to study and it wasn't him coming to my cash register, buying a few things, and talking to me for a couple minutes. This was him asking me to the mall. And sure, it was so he could buy some nice clothes, and he probably wanted me there for an opinion, but I didn't care because spending time with Connor was spending time with Connor.

And then I coughed softly and said, "Sure, why not."

And that is why I stand right outside of the dressing room Connor is in on Saturday. A moment later, he comes out the door. He's dressed in a red button down shirt and dark pants.

"How do I look?" He smiles proudly.

I want to say _hot, _but then realize there is something wrong with his clothes. And I can't help but laugh. He has the buttons on his shirt buttoned wrong.

"What?" He instantly frowns at my giggling.

"Y-your shirt..." I raise a hand to my mouth to stifle my laughing.

He looks down at his shirt. "Oh..." He says, his cheeks heating up. I find it cute that he's embarrassed.

"Here, I'll fix it." I tell him and rip open the shirt. I was expecting him to be wearing some kind of undershirt underneath, but instead, I am staring right at his bare chest.

I have the sudden urge to run my hand down his chest, to feel his muscles, to feel his steady heartbeat under my palm. But I don't.

He laughs at my surprised expression and pulls me into the dressing room with him. He shuts the door and faces me, the shirt still open, exposing his bare skin, but he doesn't seem to be flustered or even the least bit nervous that I am seeing his skin. So I try to tell myself that I shouldn't be flustered or nervous either. This is Connor. Only Connor.

"Okay, you button it because obviously I can't." He walks to me, stopping right in front of me, so close that I can feel the heat radiating off of his body.

I nod and gently take hold of the shirt, which in the process my fingers graze his chest and I feel his soft skin. I try to act natural, it is only skin, and begin to button the shirt correctly.

All the while he looks down at me, that stupid smirk on his face. And those hazel eyes are gleaming, like he's enjoying this. What, enjoying how worked up I am? Or enjoying the fact that I am helping him get dressed?

I finish the last button and then say, "If you tuck it in it looks more formal." And then I precede to tucking the shirt in.

And again, he's watching me closely the whole time, all narrowed eyed and smiling, like he's keeping this big secret. I try not to pay attention to the fact that my hands are basically in his pants.

Then the shirt's all tucked in and I let go. "There." I whisper.

He continues to stare at me for a moment, and then slowly turns around to look at himself in the mirror. "_Now _how do I look?" He asks.

"_Hot." _I tell him, without thinking. It's what I've wanted to tell him since I first met him. And now I have.

He looks at my reflection in the mirror. He's still smirking. And those hazel eyes are even brighter than before. "Thanks, I know." He laughs.

And then I laugh too, playing it off as some big joke or something. What he doesn't know is that I was being absolutely honest.

"You know." He says, and turns back around to face me. "You're pretty cool, Jude."

_You're pretty cool._

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**Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	5. Crashing Into Connor Stevens

**A/N: Yay this Chapter 5! Hope you're liking this story! And make sure to read my other Jonnor fic, Scared!**

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Finals ended yesterday on Thursday. Today was the last day before winter break and I'd just gotten home from work. I was about to go online and check my scores when my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw Connor's name flashing on the screen.

"Hello?" I answer and fall into a seat on the couch, my laptop on my lap. It was kinda old and a little banged up, but it still worked and Callie had bought it for me at a ridiculously low price.

"Jude!" Connor squeals into the receiver, and I wince slightly at his loud voice. But I'm also a little used to it, because Connor is a rather loud person.

"What's up?" I ask casually and turn the laptop on.

"I got a B+ on my Chemistry final!" He tells me excitedly.

I can't help but smile at how happy he is. "Really?! That's great, Connor!"

"And I never could've done it without your help, I love you, Jude!"

And then my smile grows wider and my cheeks start to heat up. _I love you, Jude. _

"Love you too, Con." I make myself chuckle.

Connor doesn't mean it like that. I have to understand that. I have to understand that Connor is, at the most, my friend. Nothing more. These feelings I have for him, or whatever they are, need to stop. I cannot allow to think of Connor in that way. It would only ruin my chances at a friendship with him.

"What did you make?"

"I don't know, let me check."

Once the laptop starts I log in to see my grades. And there, under Chemistry, is the number 87.

"I GOT AN 87!" I scream into the phone, not caring that it probably hurt his eardrums.

"Yes! I say we celebrate!"

I shut my laptop off. "Callie's not home, you can come over."

"I'll be there in ten!"

* * *

Approximately ten minutes later, Connor is at my doorstep. He's wearing the same outfit he wore to school; a blue and white plaid shirt and a pair of dark jeans. His hair has gotten a little longer, and it hangs in waves right above his eyes, and he keeps pushing it back. I like his long hair but it looks like he's going to need a haircut soon.

I step to the side and he walks in. "Hey, Jude!"

"The Beatles." I say, and he laughs.

He goes and flops down on the couch. It's where we always sit, after all.

"You want a drink or anything?" I ask him and shut the door. I need to keep my distance from him because at the moment all I can think about is how he's laying down on the couch and we are alone in the apartment.

"No. Come over here, Jude." He waves me over, and although the last thing I want is to sit next to him, because these feelings and these thoughts are clouding my head again, I go and sit down next to him anyway. If there's one thing I've never been able to do, it's disobey Connor.

Warning bells go off in my mind. _Don't sit next to him, you'll end up doing something you'll regret._ And then I think; _Connor's __your friend, and you're just sitting next to him. Nothing's going to happen. Nothing will happen. _

I want to shake the feeling of _wanting _something to happen. Because nothing _can _happen. But I'm still having those thoughts. Those thoughts of Connor _in that way._

I try to relax as I sit back in my seat. I'd never thought that I was _that way. _But then again, maybe I should've known. Because don't you _always _know?

"I wanted to thank you again for all your help in Chem. I'd probably flunk if it wasn't for you."

I look down at his feet that touch my thighs, he'd taken off his shoes so I feel the soft material of his socks, and then I look into those hazel eyes and smile warmly. "You're welcome."

He's looking at me in this way, and it's hard to tell what he is feeling. He's always been good at picking up on my emotions, but I can never tell his. It's almost like he puts up this front; where he always acts like this fun and laid back guy. Never showing any real emotion. And why? I'd opened up to him, told him about my family. Why couldn't he talk to me? Because everyone had some sort of sad story or problem, right? Or did he not? How perfect his life must be, if there's nothing wrong in it. I'd always thought everyone had some sort of issue, something that happened in the past or going on in the present, but maybe not everyone was like that. Just because I had a sad backstory, didn't mean everyone else did.

And then he sits up abruptly, and my heart starts to race as he leans a little bit forward. _Oh shit, shit, shit, shit_, is all I can think. Because what the hell is he _doing? _He's leaning closer, and I can smell his minty breath, feel the heat of his body. And then, very gently, he presses his lips to mine. And it's like everything in me explodes. Everything else before this, the study sessions and the two minute talks at the grocery store, were like lava bubbling up in a volcano, and this, this _kiss, _is when the volcano explodes. He was the volcano and I was the lava exploding everywhere.

And then I kiss back, because this is everything I have wanted for weeks. My mind is a whirlpool and the only thing that is keeping me sane, the only thing keeping me from going absolutely crazy, is the feel of Connor's lips against mine.

My body connects with his like a magnet, and I'm pushing him down on the couch, falling onto to him, and maybe this isn't keeping me sane at all. Maybe this is what is making me _in_sane. He kisses me harder, with a certain amount of passion and fierceness, that's like adding fuel to a fire. My hands slide down his sides and he fists his fingers into my hair.

I'd never kissed anyone else before, and I wonder if all kisses are like this; all incredibly intense and making you feel so alive, blocking out everything else around you because in this moment, nothing else matters except his lips on yours and the feel of your wandering hands along his body.

And then he bites my bottom lip and I gasp, allowing him to slip his tongue into my mouth, and a whole new sense of pleasure rolls through me like a tidal wave. My thoughts are all going haywire because half of me still isn't processing the fact that he is kissing me and the other half of me is screaming in amazement and shock and pure wonder.

It's obvious that he has kissed other people before, because he knows exactly what he's doing, while me on the other hand, has no idea what's going on, and just lets him do all the work because god damn it feels amazing and I never want him to stop kissing me.

But he does stop, and it's over all too soon and he's pushing me lightly off of him. I sit up, breathing hard from my first ever kiss. And I look at Connor and he's half smiling-half smirking, and those hazel eyes are shining with a cross between lust and passion, and that makes me want to kiss him again, to experience something as phenomenal as that all over again, but I don't. I just sit there and I stare at him.

"I wanted to thank you again." He repeats.

And then it is crystal clear; these thoughts I have of Connor, this want for him, won't stop. Because I was, undeniably, falling for him. I was falling for him like he was a dead end sign at the end of a street and I was the car speeding down the road fifteen miles over the speed limit. I'd try to slow down, slam on the brakes, but I was simply driving too fast and there was nothing I could do to stop myself from crashing into Connor Stevens.

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**A/N: Omg they kissed :0 Don't forget to leave a review!**


	6. Realization and Reality

**A/N: Sorry, it's been awhile...Enjoy this chapter, though!**

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It had been exactly four days since Connor had kissed me and I hadn't spoken to him since then. I wasn't sure if he had plans over the break, aside from Christmas day of course, but I was afraid that if I called him up and asked if he wanted to get together so soon after our first kiss, I would seem a little clingy. And okay, this was my first relationship or whatever, so I would probably seem clingy no matter what. But I didn't want to come on too strong. Chances were Connor had been in loads of other relationships and didn't want anything too serious. Besides, he would be my first boyfriend and maybe it was a good thing we wouldn't be serious.

And it was probably better he didn't know I hadn't dated anyone else, because maybe then he wouldn't want to date me. I didn't want to come across as some little inexperienced kid.

So I wouldn't call him. I would wait for him to call _me. _

Today was Tuesday, the second day of winter break, and I was sitting on the couch watching some lame reality show on the little tv Callie had bought at a yard sale in the neighborhood down the block. My shift at the grocery store didn't start for a few hours and I was eating a piece of leftover pizza from the night before.

My cell phone, which was laid on the coffee table in front of me half on the furniture and half off, close to crashing to the floor, lets out a shrill ring. I groan, because now I have to sit up from my oh so comfortable laying position on the couch, which requires the tinniest effort in actuality, but I was so damn lazy that getting up from the sofa felt like getting up from a pile of quicksand.

But anyway, I manage to sit up and lean forward, picking up my phone. The name _Connor _flashes on the screen and I try not to seem too excited as I answer, "Hey, Connor!"

"Hey Jude, when do you have to go into work?" He asks me casually.

"Not until four, why?"

I lean back into the couch, muting the tv, and bring my knees up to my chest. I wished I wasn't smiling so big.

"You wanna hang out? I am insanely bored and I demand you to entertain me." The insistence in his voice almost makes me laugh out loud. It was exactly what he would say to me during our study sessions.

"Sure, why not." I tell him.

"I'll be at your apartment in ten."

And then he hangs up. I toss the cell back onto the coffee table and throw away the last bit of pizza. I go into the bathroom and make a big deal of trying to fix my very messy dark hair. It ends up looking barely any better than to begin with. Oh well. I brush my teeth and by the time I'm done, the doorbell rings.

"Hey." Connor half smiles-half smirks at me as he walks in.

"Hey, yourself."

I follow him to the couch. I doubted we had sat anywhere else in all of the times he'd been over. Not that I minded, of course. I thought it was kind of cool, like the couch was _our spot _or something.

He kicks his shoes off and then lays down, his legs on lap. Staring up at the ceiling, he says, "Entertain me, Jude."

I think about it for a minute. What exactly did he mean when he told me to _entertain him_? At first I thought he meant it like telling him something amusing and sarcastic, because lets face it, I was the queen of, well, maybe not saying amusing things, unless counting the times I was doing something humiliating, but I was most certainly the master of saying sarcastic things. But maybe he didn't mean it that way. _Entertain me. _I think back to four days ago when he had kissed me. Did he think he was _entertaining _me then? Did he want me to entertain him now by something along those lines?

Before I can talk myself out of it, I push his legs off of me and climb on top of him, pressing my lips to his. I'm surprised at the fact that I had no hesitation at all, just went in and kissed him. I hadn't thought I was that confident. Connor kisses me back and my hands rub his sides. He moans slightly and runs his fingers through my hair. It doesn't take me even one second to lose myself in this boy, absorbing into the kiss, all thoughts telling me not to kiss him melting away, because the only thing I am thinking is how wonderful it feels to have his lips on mine. At the moment, it's the only thing that matters enough to think about.

Heat spreads throughout my entire body, like someone lit a fire inside of me. The same intense feeling shoots through me like the first time, seemingly awaking parts of me that I hadn't known were asleep.

But then, again like the first time, he pulls back. Breathing heavily, I look down at him with confusion written all over my face.

"J-Jude..." He breathes out. "I need you to..." He runs his hands along my chest, feeling the soft material of my thin t-shirt. "I need you to understand that I'm not..._gay _or whatever...This is just for fun."

At first I think he's joking. But when I look into those hazel eyes, and curse those hazel eyes, the look of sincerity I find in them is so annoyingly clear I want to scream in frustration and humiliation and every other emotion coursing through me. Maybe I hadn't minded not being serious, but _just fun _was a little less of what I had been hoping for. _I'm not gay. _Did that mean he was _straight? _Was I fooling around with a _straight _guy?

"W-what?" I tilt my head to the side and force myself to chuckle like it really was all a joke.

Then he trails his hands along my arms. "We're friends, Jude. Sometimes friends have a little fun together."

I want to wipe the half smile-half smirk that I'd first thought was cute, but now seems utterly ridiculous and cruel, right off his face.

"So what...I'm like your friend...with some sort of _benefit?"_

"I believe the term you're looking for is _friends with benefits." _He corrects me. Smug bastard.

"And you're..._straight?"_ I say rather bitterly, like the word 'straight' disgusts me. And maybe in this situation, the word does disgust me.

"Yeah. I like girls."

"But I'm the exception, right?"

"Right."

I climb off of him and sit next to him on the couch. "Why did you kiss me the other day?" I question.

He shrugs. "I was thanking you for the tutoring. Why did _you _kiss me? Are you _gay?" _He says it like an insult.

The realization and reality of it all hits me, hard. Like someone punching me in the gut. Maybe he didn't feel the sparks that I felt between us. Or maybe there were no sparks at all, maybe I was pretending I was feeling something amazing that I wasn't really feeling, because I wanted the kiss to mean something, I wanted _him _to mean something. I feel embarrassed. Mortally embarrassed. But I don't want him to know that I feel that way about him, don't want him to know that I'm _gay, _so I just laugh and say, "Course not. Friends with benefits."

Then he pulls me back to him, and I fall on to him, into him, into our third kiss. His lips feel right against mine, and I set aside the slight shame I feel in lying to him about something I've never been ashamed about before, and replace it with a sense of relief. Because kissing Connor makes me feel relieved, takes away the stress of school and bullies, and Callie and her overprotectiveness, and bagging groceries. It just makes me feel calmer. And feeling _calm _is something I haven't felt in a long time.

And even if there won't be any real feelings between us, like I'd hoped, it's something I can deal with to feel like this, like a weight is being lifted off of my shoulders. Even if that feeling only lasts a couple hours.

So I let him pry my lips open and slip his tongue inside my mouth, because we are _friends with benefits_ and it feels good.

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**WARNING, WARNING, WARNING, this story is turning out differently than I had planned, so title and description are likely to change. Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	7. It's Okay

**A/N: I know a lot of you were mad about the whole 'friends with benefits' thing, but hopefully you will still continue to read this fanfic. And yeah, sorry for this very long wait.**

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It's Christmas. I wake up really early and rush into Callie's bedroom. She is, of course, sound asleep. Not that I'm surprised. Because after all, it _was_ six o'clock in the morning. Since Callie usually had to wake up early to take me to school or to go to work, the few times she could actually sleep in, she always slept until around noon. I was sorry to say she wouldn't be sleeping in to noon today.

I start shaking her shoulder, not too hard as to where it would hurt, but hard enough to wake her.

"Mmmphhh." She grumbles, and rolls away from me.

"Callie, Callie, wake up! It's Christmas!" I squeal, and then shake her harder.

"Sleep..." She mutters.

I roll my eyes, climbing up onto her bed, and then I start jumping up and down.

"CAL, WAKE UP, IT'S CHRISTMAS MORNING!" I yell.

Sue me for being overly enthusiastic. I just really loved Christmas.

"I'm up, okay!" She huffs.

I grin and get off of the bed. "It was about time!"

She looks at the tiny alarm clock on the nightstand, the bright red numbers flashing _6:04 A.M._

"Six in the morning, Jude? Really?"

"Yes, really! Now come on, presents!"

I grab her hand and yank her out of the bed.

"Jude, I'm coming, okay? You don't need to drag me!"

"Sorry, Cal." I let go of her hand.

Callie was really cranky in the mornings. Well, at least she was when she hadn't had her cup of coffee.

"It's okay." She says. "Merry Christmas, baby." She smiles and ruffles my hair.

"Merry Christmas."

And then we have that sister-brother moment where we hug and just hold each other for a few seconds. And then eventually one of us pulls back, though I'm not sure whether it was her or me, and we walk into the living room.

Nestled by the TV are two wrapped presents. One for me, one for Callie. This was the first year that I'd actually bought Callie a present. I'd never had the money to buy anything, until now that I had my job.

"Jude, you got me a present?" Callie arches her eyebrows up in a questioning manor.

"Yeah, it's the first year I've had money to."

She walks over and plucks the box up from the floor.

"You didn't have to get me anything."

"I know I didn't. _I wanted to."_

I'd been feeling really bad about how she always did so much for me, yet I didn't do anything for her. She deserved so much more than anyone gave her credit for. Buying her a Christmas present was the least I could do.

She tears through the wrapping paper hurriedly. She opens the box and takes out the necklace, holding it up to her face so she could look at it closely.

"It's a locket." I tell her. "Open it, there's a picture inside."

She opens the locket and looks at the picture inside; a photo of us taken last year on her birthday. We'd gone out to eat and I'd snapped a picture of us outside the restaurant.

She turns back to me, clutches the necklace tightly in her hand, and then throws her arms around me. "I love it. Thank you."

"You're welcome." I smile back.

"Here, put it on me."

I take the locket from her hand and put it around her neck.

"Now open your present!"

We both sit down on the floor and I start unwrapping my gift. Inside, lays an iPod Touch. My eyes widen as I take the smooth object in my hand. It was the most expensive gift I'd ever gotten.

"Callie, how much did this cost you?"

"Don't worry about it. Just don't buy too many songs, okay?"

"Are you sure? I mean you didn't have to give me this. I can always settle for a new book or something, you know that, right?"

Callie's smile falters a little. "I know, baby. But I wanted to give you something nice this year."

I think about last Christmas, the first one I'd spent alone with Callie, and not in some foster home. We were really tight on money and could barely afford necessities. My present was a poster of a band I liked that had probably cost five bucks. My present this year definitely hadn't cost five bucks. The presents I got at foster homes weren't too terribly cheap, but they weren't overly expensive either. A new video game or cd.

And don't get me wrong, I'd always wanted an iPod, but I didn't want Callie to feel like she was obligated to buy me a fancy present just to make my Christmas better. She didn't _have _to do anything for me, but she did, and I accepted it, and I could never be more grateful.

"Thanks, Cal."

I set the iPod down and wrap my arms around her. She pulls me closer to her and presses a kiss to the top of my head. "You're welcome, Jude."

"Can you show me how to set up an iTunes account?"

"Of course, buddy."

* * *

Connor invited me to this New Years Eve party his parents were having. He'd warned me that it would be insanely boring, because the only other teenagers that would be there were his two cousins, and they were total losers. But I'd accepted the offer nonetheless, because if it meant hanging out with Connor, then I was in.

I come out of my bedroom, and Callie looks up from the magazine she's reading, an _Us Weekly _one, of course.

"Hey Jude, you going to stay up until midnight with me?" She asks. Almost every New Years Eve we stayed up watching TV and eating candy. It was kind of like a tradition.

"Uh, sorry...but no..."

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion. "What, why not?"

"I...I kinda already have plans."

"_Plans?"_

She knew that I had been studying with someone at the apartment but she didn't know that we were friends, or more precisely, friends with benefits.

"Yeah, y'know the guy I study with? He invited me to the party his parent's are having."

Her lips curled up in a smile. "So this boy...is he like a..._friend?"_

"Yeah." I nod. "Something like that."

"That's great, Jude."

"Yeah, he's supposed to be picking me up outside...so I should probably go."

"Okay, have fun! And stay out as long as you want!"

I grab my jacket and walk out, rolling my eyes as I go. Sure, I was happy that she was happy that I finally had a friend, but she was way more enthusiastic than she needed to be.

I spot Connor's parked BMW and head towards it. When he sees me he climbs out of the driver's seat to meet me.

"Hey, Jude." He smiles, his half-smile, half-smirk.

I smile shyly. "The Beatles."

He laughs and pulls me into a quick hug, pecking my lips.

"Get in."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Connor pulls up to a big two-story house that probably cost more than what Callie and I would make in a lifetime combined.

"You _live _here?"

He twists around in his seat to look at me, laughing. "Yeah."

I realize that my mouth is practically gaping open, gawking at the house in front of me, so I cough awkwardly and say, "Oh, uh, cool."

"C'mon, let's see if we can steal some champagne."

I get out of the car and walk with Connor up to the front door. He unlocks the door and we're met with dozens of voices floating about the foyer, and leading in from the rest of the house. Connor grabs my hand, entwining our fingers, and leads me through the sea of people.

We go to the kitchen, where he discreetly slips into his free hand a bottle of liquor.

"Go, go, go!" He whispers in my ear.

I can't help laugh as we walk speedily out of the kitchen, and take the stairs two at a time. He collapses near the railing and twists open the cork on the bottle with such skill that it's obvious he's, unlike me, no stranger to alcohol. He takes a swig and then hands the bottle to me. I take it, hesitantly.

"You've never drank a sip in your life, have you?" He asks me in a cocky tone.

I give him a sheepish look. "No..."

"You're so..._good, _Jude."

I glare at him in a playful way. "What's _that _supposed to mean?"

"That you're a goody two shoes." He teases and pokes my side, which makes me jump slightly, and I hear the liquid in the bottle slosh around.

"I can't believe you just said _goody two shoes."_

"Well, it's what you are."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Then drink!"

"I will."

I bring the bottle to my lips and take a small sip. Which of course makes me start coughing horrifically. And Connor finds this absolutely hilarious, with the way he doubles over, giggling, holding his stomach.

I take another sip, making sure to only cough three times, and hand the bottle back to him. He takes a long swig and I huff in embarrassment, crossing my arms across my chest. "It wasn't that funny."

"It totally was!"

I can feel my cheeks heat up as I refuse to meet his gaze, that is, until he tilts my head so that I'm forced to look at him. "You're so cute, you know that?" He whispers huskily.

Then he smashes his lips against mine and I groan inaudibly. He sets the bottle down and his hands wrap around my neck. I lean back, stretching my legs out, and he crawls between my legs.

People start counting down from sixty downstairs. Connor bites my lip and I allow him to slip his tongue inside my mouth.

_Fifty, forty-nine, forty-eight, forty-seven_

I fist my fingers in his hair, gripping a little too hard.

_Thirty-five, thirty-four, thirty-three, thirty-two_

I fall back, my back hitting the soft carpet. Connor's muscular body presses against me and I automatically buck my hips up towards his.

_Twenty-eight, twenty-seven, twenty-six, twenty-five_

I moan as he grinds on me.

"C-Connor..." I whimper, feeling my...sensitive area hardening.

"Shhh, it's okay." He whispers, and I believe him. If Connor says it's okay, then it's okay.

_Fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven_

He kisses me harder, reaching a hand down to graze my crotch.

_Seven, six, five, four_

Heat spreads throughout my body. Before things get too much more heated, I hope Connor takes me somewhere a little more...private.

_THREE, TWO, ONE_

Cheering comes from downstairs. I bet there's other people kissing now too.

Connor leans back. He stares down at me with a look so full of want and passion, it takes everything in me not to pull him back to me.

"Wanna come to my bedroom?"

I nod, breathing heavily. He gets up off of me, and holds out a hand. I take it, and he pushes me into the first door on the left, leaving the bottle of champagne discarded. I didn't like the taste anyway.

* * *

**A/N: Hope this wasn't too awful...**


	8. Not A Fairy Tale

**A/N: Just to let you guys know, once I finish writing this fanfic, I will be going back and edting it, fixing mistakes and rewriting things that were badly written. If you read Scared, my other fic, you will already know this. Sorry for the very long wait but I hope you enjoy this chapter! Warning, this chapter contains sexual themes. **

* * *

So basically here's what happened when Connor took me to his bedroom. I knew something was going to happen, and I felt excited but nervous at the same time. When we walked in he kept the lights off but went over to this big window across the room, and pulled the blinds open, moonlight filtering in and illuminating the whole space. He turned around and looked at me, and for some reason, it made me really uncomfortable, so I pretended to be very interested in his collection of cd's, all stacked neatly beside an expensive radio, so I wouldn't have to look back at him.

It felt like that day at the mall, when I was with Connor in the dressing room, his shirt unbuttoned, him facing me. He had been just standing there, watching me, which was exactly what he was doing now. And I just didn't want to disappoint him, didn't want to come off as a total loser, even though I pretty much _was _a loser.

Because Connor Stevens wasn't a loser. He was _cool. _He liked to drink alcohol and he listened to bands like Panic! At The Disco and Arctic Monkeys. He fooled around with guys but he wasn't _gay. _

I buried my hands in the pockets of my jeans, closed my eyes as I took a deep breath, and then finally looked at him. His eyebrows were a little raised, like he was waiting for me or something.

"So, uh...what did you wanna do?" I asked, idiotically, of course.

He laughed and took a step closer to his bed. "I have a few ideas."

I blew out air from my cheeks and shrugged. "Okay. Care to enlighten me?"

"Okay." He grinned.

"Okay." I said.

He walked slowly towards me, all smug and cocky, like he owned the place. Or my heart. Well he did kind of own the place, at least his parents did. And okay, maybe he did have my heart, not to sound corny or love-struck. Because this wasn't a love story and he wasn't mine for the taking. I wasn't supposed to fall for him.

But then he kissed me and I kissed back and he started to walk backwards, and together we fell back on his bed. He flipped me over so he was on top of me, proving to me that he was the dominant one. Not that I cared. I stretched out on the very comfortable bed and slipped out of my coat. I tugged the jacket off of Connor and threw them both to the floor.

He grabbed my arms and pinned them over my head, pressing his lips to mine in another heated kiss. Very lightly, he started to travel his hand up my shirt. His fingers were warm against my bare skin and I sighed peacefully. The way he rubbed my chest; up, down, up, down, and then move his hand farther up, made me groan softly. And that small sound must have turned him on or something, because he leaned up, wiggled out of his shirt, and then tore mine off.

Instead of attaching his lips to mine again, he began to kiss my neck. I tilted my head to the side to give him more access, and then I tangled one hand in his hair, and with the other I started rubbing his chest like he had done to me, and I loved the feel of my hand on him.

"God, you're so hot, Jude." He whispered in my ear.

And that was when his hand sort of ended up in my pants. I wasn't really sure what was going on, but it felt good, so I kind of just let it happen. I was already hard and with my jeans and underwear on, it was feeling a little uncomfortable. So he pulled off my pants, and then my underwear. I was a little self-conscious because no one had ever seen me naked before, but knowing that it was Connor, made me feel a little better.

His eyes widened and I thought that maybe he didn't like what he saw, but he just chuckled and said, "Wow, you're really hard."

It made me blush, and then he pecked my lips once and went and took me in his hand again. I leaned my head back, and I looked up at the ceiling before closing my eyes. My hands gripped his sheets tight and even though I had never done this sort of thing before, even by myself, I knew what was coming and I felt sorry that he was going to have to wash his sheets because of me.

He started moving his hand at a faster pace and I gasped, moaning his name over and over. I remember him telling me to be quieter, but I couldn't, because it felt so good and exhilarating and I wanted to feel that way forever.

But it didn't last that way forever, only a few minutes, and by then I was shooting my load all over his hands and his sheets.

"Oh, fuck." I whimpered, opening my eyes and looking at him. He had this stupid grin on his face, and he wiped his hands on his sheets.

"Sorry." I said.

"It's okay." He answered.

And then I said okay back. And then I asked if he would like his turn and he laughed really loud and hard. I thought that maybe he didn't want me to but instead he nodded.

He took his jeans and underwear off himself as I propped myself up on my elbows, feeling a little tired. But then when I looked at him, all naked and hard and horny, and knowing that he wanted me to touch him, I felt wide awake.

I'd never touched anyone like that before, but I started to do what he had done, and he liked it a lot, so I guess I was doing it right.

After we finished he told me that it was late and that he was going to drive me home. We both got dressed and he took his sheets off and wadded them and tossed them in his hamper. It made me blush for some reason and he kissed my cheek.

We didn't talk much on the drive back to my apartment, but that was okay, because nothing we could say in that short amount of time could really compare to what had happened in his bedroom. I knew something had changed between us, and it wasn't just the fact that we had been intimate with each other, it was more than that. I knew I sounded like such a _girl, _but it was true. It felt like we had a stronger connection than before, and I knew my feelings for him would only intensify. I knew that was supposed to be a bad thing, but it didn't feel like a bad thing, so it kind of made me happy.

When we pulled up to my apartment we both got out of his car, and he went around to my side.

"Thanks for coming, I was having a really boring time talking to my parent's lame friends." He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I had a nice time." I nodded.

"Okay, then." He nodded back.

"Okay." I told him.

He half smiled-half smirked at me and then he kissed me one last time for the night.

* * *

One thing was for sure. My sister was extremely nosy. I came in late that night, and instead of her being angry at me, she was ecstatic.

"Did you have a good time?"

It kind of scared me at first. Because I thought she would've been asleep.

"Uh, yeah."

I hung my jacket on the little coat rack beside the door.

"Are you going to hang out with him again?"

"Probably." I shrugged.

I tried walking to my room but she got up from her seat on the couch and stopped me. "So, he's really a friend?"

I loved the way her eyes were lit up, the way she looked so happy. But I wished she would just lay off.

"Yeah, yeah he's a friend, Cal."

"That's great! When do I get to meet him?!"

I'm not sure why, but the question pissed me off. I didn't mean to sound so rude, it just came out that way.

"He's not my boyfriend, and you're not my mother, Callie."

She winced like I had slapped her.

"Jude...Is this boy..._is _he your boyfriend?" She asked gently.

I wanted him to be. God, I so wanted him to be. But he wasn't and that just made me even more mad.

"Jesus, I'm not a faggot, Callie! Just shut the hell up, okay!"

"Jude?" She frowned and touched my shoulder. "You're my baby brother, and I love you, and I'll accept you no matter what."

I ripped away from her grip. "I'm not! Just leave me alone!"

I hated myself. Hated that I was such a bitch to her, hated that I really was a faggot. And I hated that Connor wasn't my boyfriend. And he never would be. This wasn't a fairy tale, and he wasn't my prince.

* * *

**A/N: Make sure to leave a review! I'd really appreciate it!**


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